You're over what exactly, Jill? Can you be more specific?
Not really. I'm kind of over everything lately. I don't have the energy to do the stuff I need to do for my work and my life, let alone the stuff I want to do for myself, this blog and this blogging community I've become a part of.
I have tried to walk away a few times, but I always come back. And I'm sure I will this time too, but there's actually something potentially nuclear looming that could blow my cover and I'm totally not OK with that.
So, I think I might just lay low. For the last week, I've pretty much been hitting "Mark All As Read" on my Google Reader out of sheer exasperation at the triple digit numbers of unread posts. I just don't have it in me most of the time. And as for my own blog, well let's see... the last post was a total throw away and that was almost a week ago. I literally have 20+ posts started and none of them are even close to finished. I just don't have the mental and emotional energy to put into any of them. Or anything for that matter... except this total verbal diarrhea I'm hurling at you today, apparently.
My work has just exploded, which is a good thing because, as you know, for me more work = more money. But my level of frustration is at a near-record level and it's all I can do to stay focused and not let 20 things slip through the crack every day.
Hubbz got a new job, and as a result has effectively been idle at his current/former job for going on three weeks now, which is turning out to be supremely annoying for both of us I think. He wants to play! And go on vacation! And talk to me! And I just want to curl up and fall asleep.... but I can't... (see Job Stuff above)
Plus, I've been noticing some ugly blogging and Twitter stuff going on lately that honestly just pisses me off. It's all such ridiculous, overblown, manufactured drama (my least favorite kind of drama, btw), and while it might also be mildly entertaining at times, if I really think about it, it's the reason I'm borderline embarrassed to tell more people I have a blog. Because bloggers are self-important knobs who have too much time on their hands, right? How narcisstic do you have to be to think that people actually want to read the carnage that flows from your twisted mind? Get some self-respect, pick yourself up and get on with your life! Or at least smile every once in awhile. Find the good in your shitty day. Play with a puppy! Eat an ice cream cone! Why does everything have to be so fracking maudlin? To hell with bastards!
Because all of those thoughts have entered my head recently in regards to various scenarios playing themselves out online and it makes me wonder if someone else might be thinking them about me. And I honestly don't care what anyone thinks about me, but I also don't want to be in a club full of people who are so wrapped up in their online persona that they completely lose perspective. Then I think about all the awesomeness out there and how I still want to read about it and participate in it... but not more than I want to just turn off all the distractions for awhile.
Hell! I don't even have the attention span to keep up with all the shows I have DVR'd. Seriously! I just totally deleted the entire second episode of Dancing With the Stars and half of the first one, and I'm not sure I'll even watch tonight's episode. It's not like there's a storyline I'm missing out on. I can catch up when I want to... or more accurately when my head stops spinning long enough to allow me to focus to anything past 8:00 at night. Yes, you read that right, I don't currently have the mental capacity to take on Dancing With the Stars.
#suckit
Oh, yeah, and my uncle died, which is turning out to be much more emotionally trying for me than I anticipated. I was more concerned about my dad and my aunt than myself when it became evident that his time had come, but when he passed yesterday morning it really shook me and I felt the reverberations all day long.
So, I think between now and next Monday, I'm going to turn off Twitter, Facebook and Google Reader and I'm going to leave my computer at home when I head downstate for my uncle's services. And if, by next week, I'm feeling more grounded and engaged, I'll be back. If not, well, I don't know what.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
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15 comments:
First off, I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. Feel those emotions you're feeling over his death right now. That is the only way to grieve.
Secondly, your blog is not narcissistic at all. It is funny and touching and interesting. Personally, if you were to dump any of your online activity, I'd recommend dumping Twitter. It seems that blogging is very cathartic for you, whereas Twitter is not necessarily so. If Twitter activity is turning into the bad parts of high school, then don't subject yourself to it. You started this blog for a reason and that reason is still quite valid. Take all the time away from it you need, but I hope you'll come back!
I wish I could tell you not to let work get you down, but I know that won't do any good. Just focus on those beautiful boys of yours when things get bad. How could they not put a smile on your face?!
Take the time that you need to feel better, Jill. Your blog is not something that has to stress you out!
I am sorry about your uncle.
I wish I knew something else to say or do that would help you. Hang in there!
I'm so sorry to hear about your uncle. I hope you have a safe trip to the service and back.
A break is totally warranted and sounds like a good idea. The internet isn't going anywhere. It will still be here when you are ready for it again.
Take care.
Sorry about your uncle.
Seems you and I have been functioning on parallel levels lately. I just can't seem to get my shit together, maybe it's the shorter days and the lack of sunshine, whatever I hope it's gone soon for both of us. Chin up, chest out Jill and I am so making t-shirts that say "Find some good in your shitty day" Love it!
Have a safe trip.
I'm really sorry about your uncle, my friend.
Walk away if you need to. I understand entirely. I've been there too. Otherwise, unfollow away. Or, start another secret account ;)
Love to you. xoxo.
I'm so sorry about your uncle.
Sounds like you're having a rough time. As others have said, the blog shouldn't be a burden. You're not making a living off of it. It's there for YOU. When, and if, you're ready, you'll find your way back.
By the way, I noticed you surpassed your 50K mark. That's something.
Please stay in touch.
I need to write something and link to this. I've not been on Twitter hardly at all in the last few weeks. I want to blog and still feel like a good person, you know?
Oh, honey. As usual you speak words I've said. Hugs on the stress, the grief, and the overload. You are a lovely person and I love reading you and I think you blog for all the right, best reasons. You never leave any of us hanging out there, and you tell your truth. What more could any of us do?
Take the time you need, and process all of this. Grief does come up and hit you, and make sure you know it's okay if it's like that. xoxo
I've hit a wall sometimes with blogging. And it helped a lot to just shut it all off for a time. I thought I would feel guilty, etc. but...you know, I didn't. Not at all. Most people understand that sometimes life is just too much and we need to go off for awhile.
When I feel like this, I drown myself in television or reading and it really, really helps.
So sorry for your loss.
Take care.
I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. Sometimes loss leaves us more to process than we thought.
I have no idea what online drama you're referring to, but it's the same with some of the things that I read, and I take it as a signal to purge the subscription list. It's also why I don't read mommy blogs, or even a lot of science blogs, that end up all posturing and self-referential. YAWWWWWN.
Purge the crap, keep what you truly like. If you lose readers who only read your blog b/c you comment on theirs, who gives a fuck. Really.
I love it when people read and comment on my writing. But I'm not going to write if I have nothing to say, so yeah, there are gaps. I don't owe anyone a post, and neither do you. Sometimes life is too scattered to put it in paragraphs.
Take care of yourself.
Sorry about your uncle.
I get what you're saying. I see a lot of folks taking a step away. I feel like I've been doing a bit of that as well...{{hugs}}
I relate a lot to what you're saying. I think we started around the same time when there was a newness/innocence and sweetness to blogging. It has definitely reached it's awkward, petulant adolescence and it makes me want to cringe.
You don't have to make an all or nothing decision. Just know that I really enjoy reading your writing, as so many others do.
Take care of yourself, and I am sorry for your loss. xo Bets.
Well I'm right on top of things.
I'm very sorry about your uncle.
I'll still be here reading if you come back. Promise.
I'm so sorry for what you're feeling and going through. You know what's best for you, though. Take the time to care for yourself and your family. My thoughts are with you.
i'm sorry for your loss.
i hear ya on the whole blogging thing. and twitter thing. and drama. you know i totally think it's beyond ridiculous. there are many bloggers who think they are rock stars and therefore drama should follow them wherever they go...gag.
<3
i was wondering where you went off to. hadn't seen you in a long time and missed you!! i hope things get better for you!!
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