Martha Stewart Sucks!

I am a huge fan of TV chefs and I was an early devotee to Martha Stewart. I have had a subscription to her magazine a few different times, I have cookbooks and have attemtped her projects and recipes on several occasions. Some time ago, however, I gave up on her. I just didn't have the energy or inclination to spend 6 hours wiring cranberries to a styrofoam wreath form or stuffing cherry tomatoes with tiny uniformly-diced squares of marinated feta cheese. And the thing about Martha is, she doesn't use shortcuts. The end results are beautiful and delicious, but the process is just to tedious (and expensive -- her recipes always include fancy ingredients I don't have on hand).

She has a new brand extention, though, called Everyday Food, which to me sounds like a kinder, gentler Martha. I have picked up a couple mini cookbooks from the grocery checkout line and I subscribe her to email newsletter, in the hopes of getting some Martha-lite inspiration. The latest email newsletter promises "truly satisfying dinners -- all under 400 calories" designed to "help start the New Year off right."

I was jazzed when I saw that and looked forward to some healthy Martha goodness. For the record, I know the fact that I get excited about food newsletters is probably something I shouldn't admit to in mixed company, but we're all friends here, right and my geekiness is well-documented on this site already. And since I'm on this new weight-loss kick, dinners under 400 calories is like music to my ears.

But her definition of Everyday food confounds me, to be quite honest. Who can cook like this every day? Here is a sampling of recipes from the email:

Caesar Salad with Spicy Shrimp
Chicken Meatballs in Tomato Sauce
Steak, Watercress, and Orange Salad
Thinnest Crust Pizza with Ricotta and Mushrooms
Chunky Turkey Vegetable Soup


They all sound promising, but upon closer examination, it's really just the same old Martha in Rachael Ray's clothing.

• The caesar salad requires you to make your own dressing using anchovies. Who keeps anchovies in their pantry?!?!
• The chicken meatballs require you to GRIND YOUR OWN MEAT in a food processor. I mean, I know that's the best way to get get good quality ground meat, but seriously Martha, it's all I can do to remember to thaw something out for dinner, let alone grind my own freaking chicken.
• The steak salad looks easy enough (although if I told Hubbz we were having watercress salad he'd look at me like I was nuts, then proceed to suddenly not be hungry), but her presentation is something you would never see on any family's "everyday" dinner table... Beautifully arranged individual servings? Try everything tossed into a big community bowl, with a pathway of various salad components leading to each person's place setting.
• The pizza is actually really a great idea -- if my assumption that sandwich wrap = tortilla, that is -- and something you could adapt to your own preferred ingredients. Yeay Martha!
• And the only thing I can really say about the soup is why does she insist on using escarole instead of spinach -- which is something much more accessable for the "everyday" cook.

Martha, Martha, Martha... I know you're a perfectionist and all, but if really want to help us "everyday" folk you need to tweak your approach a bit. Would it really kill you to slum it in the prepared-dressings aisle for once?