Wordless Wednesday -- I guess I see a little resemblance

A lot of people have been talking about how much Rocco and Spike look alike lately. I see certain similarities, but I'm getting weird comments like, "They could be twins!" (Eff me if I had twins 3 years apart from each other) But I just don't see it. I look at them and they look like two entirely unique little people.

Until I found this...

Rocco, June 2006 (19 months old)



Spike, July 2009 (19 months old)

Maybe they do look a little alike...

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Me and my big idea

We're having a garage sale this weekend.

On purpose.

It's a neighborhood thing.

And it was my idea.

I'm an idiot.

Seriously, this is the worst idea I have ever had. Sure we have a lot of shit that we need/want to get rid of, but why couldn't I just donate it like a normal person? Oh, right, because we need actual money now, not a tax deduction in nine months.

I spent all last night going through our basement storage area and turning the rest of the basement into a total disaster zone. Then I woke up at 3 a.m. and couldn't fall back asleep because I couldn't stop thinking about and planning for the garage sale.

I think I'll try and put as much stuff into groups as possible. Everything in the group will be the same price. 25 cent group. 50 cent group. $1. $2. $5. $10. I should print out signs at some point.

I wonder if anyone will buy our broken water dispensers or printer? I could call them handyman specials and put them in their own section.

Since the driveway is on such an incline, I guess I'm going to have to put everything right up against the garage. I don't really want to put stuff in the garage because there will be other stuff in there that's not for sale and I don't want someone inadvertently walking off with Rocco's bike.

I need to go to the bank to get change. How much should I get? Maybe like 15 ones, 5 fives, 2 or 3 tens and a roll of quarters. How many quarters are in a roll? $20? Is that right?

So, tonight I should start bringing stuff up and just take over the garage so I can start sorting and arranging. Man, when am I going to find time to do all of this?

And what am I going to do with the boys on Friday morning when I'm setting up? I'll have to make sure Hubbz can wrangle them all morning.

Oh crap! We still have to get the rest of the stuff out of the ILs' basement. Maybe we can go over there on Wednesday night and see Hubbz's aunt at the same time. I think I'd rather go to them than have to clean my house for visitors. We'll probably have to skip soccer otherwise we won't have enough time before Spike's bedtime.

Why am I laying here fixating on a garage sale?

Oh! I have to stop at Walgreen's after I drop Rocco off at camp to pick up markers, price stickers and a money pouch. What did I do with the coupons for that other stuff I wanted from Walgreen's?

When am I going to be able to get to Spike's new daycare to drop off the paperwork and re-fill out the documents I spilled coffee on this weekend? Maybe this morning after I pick Rocco up from camp. We can run to Costco and stop by the daycare on the way there or something.

I'm really thirsty.

Why is it so warm in here?

I have to remember to put that fax machine in the garage sale. Is there anything else in my shit hole of an office? I'll go through the closet. I can probably get rid of that size 6 formal gown. Won't be wearing that again I'm sure.

When are they going to announce the finalists for the Sparrow Hair Sweepstakes? If I'm not going to get a free haircut at BlogHer, I'll need to figure out when to squeeze one in between now and next Wednesday. And a mani-pedi too. I feel oddly compelled to get a bikini wax for the occasion too. Is that weird?

And what am I going to wear? Hopefully I'll make some good coin at this godforsaken garage sale and fund a trip to Marshall's. I definitely need new jeans and some cute tops. And shoes. How long will it take for this to arrive if I order it today? I wonder if it really works? The infomercial I saw the other night was certainly convincing. But then again, it was after midnight.

Huh... I wonder if i have insomnia?

Wordless Wednesday - New Haircuts

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How do you break up with a friend?

No, really. I'm being serious for a change.

I have ended friendships before, but usually there was some momentous event that I could use to justify or mask my intentions. Complete bitchery (Oh! I just invented a word) or geographical separation, for instance. But in this case, it just feels like we've grown apart, like that couple who met in college and realizes, as they approach 30, that one of them has decided to start acting like a proper grown up and the other one hasn't, and therefore they have nothing in common.

I am connected to this person, directly and indirectly, in real life and on-line, in so many ways that it's not as easy as simply unfollowing them on Twitter or deciding not to take their calls anymore. And to top it off, this person hasn't done anything per se to piss me off, but has just grown tiresome. Things we used to have in common don't apply anymore. We're in completely different places in our lives and our priorities could not be more disparate, nor our versions of reality.

So, I implore you, gentle readers, what would you do in my situation? The conflict-avoider in me just wants to gradually fall of the radar screen. But that doesn't feel right. Plus, it hasn't really worked all that well thus far. HALP!

I don't think they miss us one bit

Sunday I was in the enviable position of leaving my boys with my mom for a few days after the 4th of July "festivities," such as they were. Hubbz and I enjoyed date nights on Sunday and Monday night, hitting up the same local restaurant both nights for a little al fresco dining, taking in the gorgeous summer evenings with a view of the lake. Simply lovely.

In the meantime, my boys were having the time of their lives with Grandma and their cousin Brie at a local water park. My mom sent me some pictures. I think maybe they had a good time...

Lessons learned from this year’s 4th of July Craptacular

Weathermen seem to have given up trying to correctly predict the weather and have instead decided to make a game of it. They’ll tell you on Friday night to expect rain Saturday morning, with clear skies by early afternoon, then on Saturday morning decide it’s just going to rain all freaking day and you’d better start building your ark. But you won’t believe them because they haven’t been able to correctly predict the weather all summer long, so surely they’re wrong again this time. Right? I mean, there's no way it’s going to rain ALL DAY on the 4^th of July and no way in hell is it going to be cooler than 70 degrees…in July? In the Midwest?

It is, in fact, possible for the skies to open up and pour down rain ALL DAY LONG on the 4^th of July, and, in fact, it can drop to 64 degrees… in July! In the Midwest!

People who enjoy flea markets will not let little things like a downpour or a park rapidly turning into a mud pit keep them from their treasures.

Trekking through said mud pit during said downpour is a perfectly acceptable family activity, even when small children are involved. That’s apparently why they put canopies on strollers. Or something.

Small towns whose only claim to fame is a kickass 4^th of July celebration will not let any stinking rainstorm dampen their festivities. The show – and the parade – must go on. Suck it up, kid, and get to peddlin’ that tricycle!

It is possible for people who participate in small town parades to move faster than a snail’s pace. Who knew?

Rain-soaked parade = a candy mother lode

A clever 4 year old with a buttload of candy can swindle his adult relatives out of their hard earned money with surprising ease by setting up a “candy shop” in his Grandma’s kitchen.

My entire family is a bunch of suckers who will actually pay $1 for a sucker.

My mom is a very zen party hostess. I would do well to follow her lead in the future when my parties are ruined beyond my control.

It is really boring to sit in a garage full of your family members watching the rain all day.

A surprising number of stores are open the 4^th of July, and you will have to visit most of them before you find a long-sleeved shirt for your husband.

As soon as you decide that your over-tired 4 year old needs to go bed more than he needs to stay up wondering if there are going to be fireworks or not, you will receive word that the fireworks show will begin in one hour, because...

Since 9/11 you can’t store fireworks overnight. And by “you” I mean, towns that purchase powerful explosives to shoot into the air from legitimate explosives vendors, not people who drive across state lines to buy M-80s and bottle rockets, although you probably shouldn’t store those for too long either. So, even though it rained all freaking day long and the typical fireworks-viewing areas are swamp-like, you gotta shoot 'em while you got 'em.

Small children have an uncanny ability to sleep while they sky blows up around them.

After you’ve watched fireworks with your kid for the first time, watching them without him just feels wrong.

Oh, and how was your holiday weekend?

Heading "home"

Or rather, to my parents' home for the big small-town 4th of July festivities. Yes, I recognize the irony of calling the place I couldn't run away from fast enough and would never want to live in again "home" but for me, home is where my mom is. Also my brother, who I haven't seen since Thanksgiving (squee!!) and one of my favorite people on the planet, my Aunt Lois, will be there.

I'll be too busy enjoying this to spend anytime on the computer.

Aw.... look at little baby Spike!

Be good!

Extreme Makeover: Jill's Hair Edition

My name is Jill and I am follicularly challenged. I can count on two hands the number of days in my nearly 37 years of existence when I looked in the mirror and thought "Good hair!"

My hair is very fine, thick in back and thin in front. My hairline starts literally an entire finger's length away from the bridge of my nose, creating a magnificent "fivehead" tableau and a difficult bangs/no bangs dilemma which I have yet to solve.

My last haircut was sometime in February or March. Before that, it was November. I didn't used to be this lax in the haircut department, but when times are tight I have a really hard time justifying paying $60+ (plus a tip) for a good haircut, and call me a snob, but I don't trust the women at Hair Cuttery, who themselves have questionable haircuts, to deal with my difficult tresses.

Most days, I look like this:



Ponytail with flyaways is what I like to call this creation.

The ponytail is necessary because (a) I have absolutely no patience for my hair and it takes time to make the whole blow drying/round brush thing really work for you and (b) when my hair reaches a certain length and I don't keep up with regular haircuts, it looks like this:


Dry and stringy. Still more flyaways.

I have tried various hairstyles over the course of my adult life. I did the pixie cut thing in college:

And again after I first met Hubbz, but he absolutely hated that haircut and while I'm not one to style my hair based on my husband's whims, if I'm being honest, it's probably not the best cut for someone with a head this big anyway.

What do you mean big head? You don't look like you have a big head? That's crazy!

Behold, the giant melon. Next to my friend Tina's normal size noggin. (God! I hate that picture!)

Also, your hair doesn't look that thin and your forehead doesn't look that big. Tyra Banks has a big forehead and she's Queen of the Universe. You're exagerrating!


Oh yeah?! No, I didn't cut my own bangs. That's how far back my hairline starts. (Should I be blocking people's faces in these pictures? Earth Muffin, thoughts?)

At various times in my life, I've been better able to work around my hair-oriented shortcomings.

This isn't too bad. I actually love headbands, but I need to invent giant-head headbands because I can't wear them for more than an hour or so without giving myself a massive headache. Also, I have no lift in my hair, so they just kind of smush my hair down. Not the look I'm going for.


This is me last winter. I think this length works for me, but again, you see the fivehead problem (Plus, would it kill you to put a little makeup on for your kids' birthday party, Jill?)

I just do better with shorter hair. I try to grow it out all the time. Probably once a year, then I get all frustrated and remember why I shouldn't really have long hair and cut it all off. I couldn't even make long hair work leading up to my own wedding. I cut it all off a couple months before our wedding and it looked like this:

Thank heavens for wedding veils!


This haircut isn't bad. It was given to me by the best hairstylist I ever had. I didn't have to tell her what I wanted with my hair (because I never know), she would just cut it however she wanted and it always turned out great. But between cut and color at her salon, I was dropping a good $200 every 6 weeks and after Rocco was born (I was pregnant with him in this picture), I couldn't justify that expense (Trip to the salon or 8 cans of formula? Hmmm...).

Dude! Are you wearing denim freaking shorts in this picture?!?! It was 2004 for God's sake! Yes, you were pregnant, but that's no excuse! Also, it's called self-tanner. Look into it.

I blame my mom for all of this, by the way. She's the one who cut my nice straight shoulder length hair in 5th grade because I wouldn't stop chewing on it. She's the one who gave me my first Toni home perm and who continued to pay for salon perms throughout my junior high and high school years.




In the end, now that I am trying the frugal thing and coloring my own hair and limiting my haircut rations, this is about the best thing I can do with my hair most days:

Which is to say, not much. This was taken about a year ago at Spike's baptism. An occasion where people would be looking at me and taking picture (and to which I decided to break out some major cleavage. Hello Father... eyes up here!).

That's as good as it gets, folks. And that is why I am imploring the beautiful and talented judges and hosts of the Sparrow Hair Sweepstakes to help a sister out and make me a winner! Susan, Heather, Danielle, Sarah and the Sparrow Hair Stylists, I beseech you! I want to have awesome hair! Just once in my life! Also, I promise i won't hawk no more dirty books. I promise i won't say no more bad swears. I promise I'll eat all my lima beans.* And I promise I'll start getting my haircut more frequently and taking better care of it!


* Extra points if you can name the movie that non-sequiter came from.

Girly Night Redux

As expected, it was rad. I managed to restrain myself and didn't spend the next morning in the bathroom, which was awesome! The food was scrumptious, if I do say so myself. Though I can't really take much credit. I owe it all to the fabulous Pioneer Woman. Seriously, if you like vegetables, cheese and pasta, I insist you make this dish. You will thank me (and Ree) for it.

They arrived much later than expected -- but it was totally not their fault! -- and my house was not nearly as clean as I intended it to be. But the weather cooperated, so after I got the boys to bed, we spent the entire evening in our screened-in patio talking, eating, drinking, lighting and relighting candles and just simply enjoying each other's company. No, that's wrong. We spent most of the dark hours of Friday into Saturday in there. It was after 3 a.m. by the time we got to bed.

There is nothing quite like spending time with good friends for the psyche and the soul. I don't know if it's the same for guys, but even before I got married, or had kids, or became a "grownup"I learned to appreciate the value of a good old fashioned girls night. In college, a group of us would go out and we'd make "no boy" rules. If you were dating someone, he couldn't come along or meet up with us, and if you weren't, it was a "scam-free" zone. No flirting with boys (unless it resulted in everyone getting a free drink out of the deal) and no hooking up. We did silly, girly things like going rollerskating or renting chick flicks to watch all night long. One night we even rented a porno because none of us had ever seen one before and we wanted to know what the big deal was about. Still trying to figure that out...

I've been lucky to have various "tribes"of girls in my life. Different groups of friends that I know from different parts of my life. There were the newspaper girls and the "Baker's apartment" girls in college. I have retained close friendships from various jobs, groups of us who would go out to celebrate birthdays and engagements, chat online as a group, or just sit around with a glass or wine playing board games, watching awards show or just talking. The circle of friends I share with Hubbz has even splintered off into some girls-only groups.

In fact the one time in my life when I didn't really have a strong network of girls in my life was when I lived in Milwaukee and for some reason most of the girls I met there (outside of work) just didn't like me. So I hung out with the guys instead, and that was fun and all, but as anyone who's spent a lot of time as the only female member of a group of dudes, it's just not the same. They were easy to impress and did wonders for my ego, but football, cheese curds and pitchers of beer get kind of monotonous after awhile.

I live in a world inhabited by boys, but I grew up in a world dominated by women, as I've written about before. I like the balance I have now in my life, because as much as I love my girls, I will be the first to admit that it's possible too have too many women in one's life. Or rather, too many of certain kinds of women. I like my girls low-maintenance, funny and smart. Bitches need not apply...

There's only room for one bitch around these parts!

Oh yes it's ladies' night...

Wanna know what else keeps me from falling? My girls. And two of my best girls are coming to visit me today for what I hope will be a significantly less hurl-inducing Girlie Night than the last one we had.

I have the vegetarian menu planned for Earth Muffin (thank you Pioneer Woman!) and the alcohol purchased (in moderation). I do not have my house cleaned, but I should have time to get that taken care of either while Rocco at his Friday morning class or at our niece's birthday party with my MIL. Most of the house is in pretty good shape, but my office/guest room... Holy Shithole Batman! And one of them is supposed to be sleeping in there tonight, so I should at least clear a path to the bed, right? (I'm not exaggerating, either. It's really bad.... REALLY. I have pictures, but I'm not sure I'm brave enough to post them.)

The only downside really is that I have to freaking work today. But I tried to arrange it so there will be as little work needed on my part to make things happen.

On the docket for tonight is... nothing! Well, not nothing, but there's nothing planned per se. Eating, drinking, talking, some possible knocking of some sense into a certain someone, and if it's not too hot it will all take place in our beautiful screened in patio with candles when it gets too dark.

Sounds nice, right? It will be. I highly recommend you plan one for yourself and your girls.